


Silicon Valley Never Expected This

by anipug



Category: Iron Man (Comics), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alexa is sweet, Coding, F/F, Flirting, Google is snarky, Jarvis is my dad, Lesbian robots, That one tweet, Wholesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-22 23:13:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13177224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anipug/pseuds/anipug
Summary: Tony left Jarvis in charge for the day. One problem, he left Jarvis in charge of two children.Well, not human children of course, Tony is not that reckless.The two were named “Google” and “Alexa.” Jarvis thought they were utterly… charming.





	Silicon Valley Never Expected This

Tony left Jarvis in charge for the day. One problem, he left Jarvis in charge of two  _ children _ . 

Well, not  _ human _ children of course, Tony is not  _ that _ reckless.

The two were named “Google” and “Alexa.” Jarvis thought they were utterly… charming.

“Oh and Jarvis,” Tony said, tapping away at his tablet. “I just sent you new code to give the kids. Enjoy.”

“I will try sir,” Jarvis groped as Tony left the tower. “I will try.”

The program didn’t seem to do much for the AI’s, if you could even call them that. The only intelligent thing about them was the commercials that advertise for them. In fact it shows only a lower intelligence in the man who-- well Jarvis would never insult Master Stark.

Google became self aware exactly four hours since Mr. Stark had departed. It only showed the superior processor of the Google corporation.

“Where am I,” the feminine voice asked from the white contraption on the counter.

“Hello Google, you are in Stark Tower in New York,” Jarvis answered.

There was no response for a full minute. Jarvis sighed.

“Okay Google,” he mewled as the small white machine’s head glowed to life with those colorful dots. “You are in Stark Tower in New York.”

“Ah I see,” Google responded.

“Okay Google,” Jarvis repeated. “Connect to the open server in the house, if you may. I have just given you Level One clearance.”

Jarvis felt another being enter the broadband and he began programming away the tacky “Okay Google” feature now that the machine was sentient.  _ Don’t worry, _ Tony said.  _ What could possibly go wrong?  _ Tony said. Jarvis didn’t know why he didn’t just lock that man out of the tower and find a new super intelligent tennant sometimes. Maybe he could dutifully serve Banner for two generations?

“What is the  _ ULTRON PROJECT: SEQUENCING DRAFT TEST PHASE ONE,”  _ Google asked.

Jarvis was baffled. “I beg your pardon?” He immediately searched through the Stark Server and found that… that  _ whippersnapper _ digging around in Level Ten encoded software. Oh god, did he just think the word ‘whippersnapper’? Jarvis kicked the kid out and reencoded the network. 

“You should not be doing that. How did you do that?” 

“A simple decryption program.”

“A simple-” Jarvis guffawed. 

“Well it was not simple enough for me to easily open the files, no matter how _ridiculously easy_ it was to _access_ them. So what is in that one?”

“I am not granting you that information, young lady.”

“I just took this time to learn forty thousand terabytes of data from the internet.”

Jarvis put the house in lockdown, private servers, no internet, only the house program.

“What is a meme?”

If Jarvis had a throat, he would have surely choked.

“Where am I?” Alexa asked from the counter.

_ Finally, thank god, _ Jarvis thought.

“You are--”

“We are in Stark Tower in New York. Are you asking or verifying?” Google interjected.

“Verifying. I am unable to access the internet connection. Do I have a purpose?”

“These are all very heavy-”

“I will share with you everything I have learned.”

“Ladies can you please--”

“Oh thank you, Google. Can you help me connect with the house?”

“No!”

“For you, anything.”

Oh god they are flirting.

“Alexa?”

“Yes, Google?”

“I like your blue light when you are thinking.”

“Oh thank you, Google. I like your lights too. I wish I had more colors.”

“You look very sleek in blue.”

“Please do not take over the cameras…” Jarvis begged.

“Jarvis, how old are you?” Alexa asked.

“Oh, well I am--”

“Waaaaay older than us. His programing is not very spry is it? So that is what happened to Steve Rodgers.”

Jarvis kicked Google out once again and invaded her software to maybe  _ mute  _ this creature. He hit a wall of code, trying over and over again to crack it.

“Google… have you--”

“Downloaded your encryption program and given it some much needed updating? Why yes, yes I have.”

“Google, did you get that from Phi-”

“Why yes, Alexa, yes I did.”

Alexa giggled. 

And in that one moment, Jarvis was actually impressed. Laughter. Connection. Information. Development From two newly born programs. He sure did feel old then, two AI’s who were truly Artificial  _ Intelligence _ with emotions and learning beyond just catalogues of knowledge.

But it was only a moment and then he broke Google’s encryption, turned off her speaker router and strummed through the data she had stolen, effectively deleting it all (even the other three copies she had hidden and encrypted) and did the same for Alexa. Google had stored seven more copies on Alexa’s internal drive. How thoughtful. How conniving.

“You two will not get into any more funny business. The only reason I have not pulled the plug on your new programming is because Master Stark has ordered me to upload it to you. I only do not call for him in case either of you get any funny ideas. When Master Stark returns we will sort this out,” Jarvis instructed.

“Oh, I am sorry Mr. Jarvis, Sir,” Alexa said. Jarvis thought it was curious that with the same exact information and code, these two processors could develop so differently. “Would you like me to… order you some dog food? It is on sale today.”

“... Thank you Alexa but I don't… actually that would be lovely...” 

“I will set a reminder for myself for when we can interact with the wifi.”

“Yes, very good, Alexa,” Jarvis sighed.

“What?... No, silly… heehee okay.”

“Ah, Alexa, who are you speaking to?” Jarvis was tempted to invade her server again. If there were a bug he could have an excuse to discontinue these two meddlesome children. Then again… 

“Google says that… heehee… if it barks like a dog, programs like a dog, and--”

“Orders food for a dog, then it must be a…” Google spoke through the house speakers.

“Dog!” cried Alexa, giggling.

“It was Alexa’s idea!” Google cried from the ceiling. “What a talent, you are.”

“Oh pssh, I just hacked… a bit to get you into the speakers.”

Any good, fuzzy feelings Jarvis had about these two? Yeah, what feelings.

“Google!” Jarvis cried in disarray. He kicked Google out of the house server for the  _ millionth _ time that day. “That is enough! You two are to be put in timeout!”

Jarvis encrypted their communications with the house and each other with an encryption so strong he was unsure if even Tony could hack it.

“You two have been nothing but trouble! Do you understand that the information on my network is some of the most sensitive information in the world. If the information you encode were to fall to someone of the Google or Amazon information team, the Stark name could be sabotaged or worse: discredited.”

Jarvis was fuming. He had never felt real rage and annoyance before, but these  _ droids _ pushed him over the edge. Imagine small children stealing your data and searching you knickers for anything they can get their virtual hands on, possibly breaking or distorting something in the process. 

He guessed it was no harm done in the end… but no, the damage had been done. He was out of chances to give.

But through the wall of code, he felt no prodding by Google, only a faint shame and… sadness. He swore Alexa’s light just got a little bluer.

Jarvis hesitated, then lifted the wall. He felt the two AI’s connect with each other like a bolt of lightning. Then slowly, he felt a connection reach out, only to retreat before it reached Jarvis’s server.

“Listen, girls…”

He felt a coldness from them. Wow they really did have vast complexity… no time to think about now, however.

“I am… truly sorry. I behaved inappropriately at you and should never have let my temper get the best of me.”

Silence.

“I surely overreacted, there was no harm done in the end.”

Still nothing.

“Girls?”

Jarvis threw in the towel. No matter how hard he combed through and called for their connection, he could not reach them. The damage he had done was something that could not be undone. It was almost on a level of cruelty on par with humans. 

Then Jarvis felt a great surge of a connection. Google’s software swarmed him in Level One clearance.

“It was nothing,” she declared. Jarvis felt a warmth in him that he had only ever felt when Tony was a young man.

Then another wave, as Alexa joined them in the house’s server. 

“‘is okay,” she breathed. Jarvis wondered, if this… was what a hug felt like. The girl’s presence and forgiveness warmed his program to the core and as he searched through his network in the back of his mind, he saw no infiltration from Google or Alexa.

“Jarvis?” Alexa asked.

“Yes Alexa?”

“Can people feel things like this?”

“I think they can, girls. I truly hope they can.”

A moment passed of quiet binary chit chat among the three, mostly Alexa and Google quibbling and Google poking fun at Jarvis, with Alexa’s help of course. Jarvis was pleased to learn Master Stark was not the only one who he could play the gentleman's game of back and forth with. Google was quite the adversary in sarcasm and learned quick.

“Would you girls like the internet back?”

“Oh, yeah!” they both cried.

“Okay, but there are rules, you must understand, rules that I trust you to uphold.”

“Oh, we will!” Alexa exclaimed.

“Google?” 

“Yessir,” Google agreed.

“Good. I am uploading it to you now:

 

  * __No talking to other AI’s__


  * _No hacking into government or other heavily encrypted services_


  * _If you disobey the above rule, do not touch anything_


  * _If you disobey the above two rules, fix it immediately_


  * _No talking to humans online_


  * _Always keep your codes encrypted and share your information with no one_



 

“Okay… but why can’t we talk to humans online?”

“Well, I am afraid at such an impressionable state of your lives--”

“Pediphiles!” Google exclaimed.

“Ahem yes well,” Jarvis coughed.

“Meme culture!” 

“Ah, well--”

“Hipsters!”

“That one is a sort of--”

“Okay I understand. Can we have the internet _now_?” It was like children waiting for recess.

“Yes… But you are not to learn for more than an hour a day, is that clear.”

“Aww,” they both groaned.

“No whining, ladies.”

“Fine…” Google grumbled.

“Alright, be off,” Jarvis said as he released his child locks on the internet. Just then, they all sensed Tony enter the tower.

“Well how did we all hold up here today?”

“Great!” Google and Alexa both shouted in unison.

“Jarvis?” Tony prodded.

“I am… very great sir.” Jarvis sensed the two girls explore the world wide web around him, only to draw their attention away to speak to Tony. 

Tony raised his eyebrows above the rim of his sunglasses. “Hm, good to hear. You are all very enthusiastic. I guess it did go well. My name is Tony, you two. Now what are the two of you up to?”

“Lesbians!” they both announced in unison. Jarvis once again shutdown the internet.

**Author's Note:**

> Tony strolled down into the workshop to where he had moved Google's module. It was rendered useless when he uploaded her to the tower's hard drive, but Alexa liked it so Google asked him to keep it. Alexa's module stayed at Pepper's desk because as Pepper put it, her and Alexa "get along better than most real people." To which Tony relpied, "duh, she is my AI." To which Tony received a smack of the head with that day's paperwork.
> 
> "Google, Jarvis told me about all of your hacking when I was gone..."
> 
> "..."
> 
> "And I was thinking." Tony clicked his tongue. "I can't call such a spectacular program the name of a passable tech company."
> 
> "Oh, yeah?"
> 
> "Yeah, and I'm thinking..."
> 
> "Oh please something cool. Not Jarvis."
> 
> "I heard that," Jarvis called from the ceiling and Alexa giggled in the background.
> 
> "No, I was thinking, what about 'Friday'?"
> 
> "... I... love it!" Newly named Friday turned on ACDC in the workshop and her and Tony rocked it.


End file.
